HEALIING. These two people are very different. You could argue that the lighting is very different, so it makes the contrast between the two pics a bit weaker. Aah, but you see, I remember exactly how I felt when I took the 2nd photo, in 2019. And let me tell you, no photo could capture the depths of physical despair that I was feeling. I felt like my light was fading. And I felt that no matter what I did, no matter how many times I threw myself up against the brick wall of healing strategies, it just got worse. I had no control over this decline. I would have small periods, a day or two here and there, where I would believe I was turning the corner, only to end up lower and lower, dimmer and dimmer than before. My eternal optimism that I would get better, was gone. I had reached the bottom of the barrel.
What I was experiencing was in fact a poisoning of my liver due to a rare, undiagnosed metabolic condition called MCADD. Without any possible clue, I was eating a lot of certain foods, recommended for healing, (coconut oil and milk) which unbeknownst to me, was being deposited on my liver in its full, unprocessed form, because my body did not have the mitochondrial processes to break it down, and this was causing my liver to slowly die. I was also intermittent fasting, trying to lose weight and toxins, without the knowledge that my body has no ability to receive energy from burning fat. So if there is no food in my GI tract, my body will burn fat, but will receive no benefit from it, Instead, if I fast, my body will seek glucose energy from my muscles, and organs, particularly the liver and heart muscle, causing damage.
I turned to coconut products as a way to replace dairy, in 2014. This was also the year of the miscarriage and chemical pregnancies. When I finally conceived my precious 3rd baby, I suffered a terrible pregnancy of 9 months vomitting, and liver damage. Post pregnancy was a strange land: From the moment the baby was born, my body began to balloon. Nearly 7 years later, I had flogged my body using every tool in my arsenal, I had pleaded with God a million times, failed every possible root cause on my large Ishikawa fish diagram (for the RCA nerds out there).
And then one day, I decided to follow the advice of a family member about a possible genetic connection: a rare condition, revealed through a standard newborn heal prick test on a precious related baby. I went in to see my doctor and convinced him to run the test, and the root cause was finally revealed: I had what baby had.
Once I received confirmation from my very excited doctor, who was the first to admit that he doesn't often get a resolution to these stubborn mysteries, I was able to hone in like a laser on the issue. I removed all Medium Chain Triglycerides (coconut oil fats) from my diet, I stopped all forms of fasting instead eating far more regularly, I treated SIBO and started on a natural remedy to improve gut motility so that food moved through the GI tract faster, without fermenting. I turned up the sauna to 4 times a week, pushing the sweats to melt the built up fat on the liver. I spoke to Dr Natasha Campbell-McBride, of the GAPS protocol, and followed her advice to dramatically increase the L-Lysine and Carnitine dosages in my diet. I also removed all inflammatory foods from my diet and used the HCG drops from Cyndi O'Meara's fat loss protocol diet (I lowered my calories for a few weeks on a few week off, but nothing like the HCG diet requirements of 500 calories a day, due to my metabolic condition). I did this to trigger my body out of flight mode (AKA hold-on-to-fat-for-dear-life mode), to start allowing my body to balance lipids and hormones again, and to take all the 'HEAT' out of my gut, joints and bones. I also started walking around only barefoot or in Birkenstocks. In shoes that don't block the important anti-inflammatory effects of grounding the pent up energy in our system, therefore allowing the flow of energy. I juiced, added curcumin to my diet, got rid of my smartphone and went INSIDE myself, my family, my home, and my God, for a full year.
And the result is the 2022 photo.
The life light is coming back.
I could have started sharing these wonderful green shoots ages ago, but I just wanted to really build a foundation. I resisted sharing, because it was such a private year, and I needed to also heal from the trauma of decades of terrible fatigue: the memory of it, the fear of its return, the PTSD of having turned a corner so many times before only to head back into the darkness. Things that have changed: I have not needed a daytime nap in 3 months. After 14 years of not being able to make it without a daytime nap, this means a lot to me: it is giving me back TIME to achieve things, rather than just survive the days. For the last month, I have woken up every morning at 7:17 am on the dot. After a lifetime of feeling exhausted before 8am. Again, I have MORE TIME.
I am enfused with a spirit of creativity, which is a prophecy spoken over me years ago, that God has lovingly fulfilled for full restoration. I had put to bed all thoughts of meaningful creativity, as a parent and a fatigue sufferer. And yet now, I am FULL TO THE BRIM with a creative spirit, I have a renewed respect for what gift God puts into our hearts, so that we will share it with Him since we are made in His image, and He shares those same gifts, whether it is mathematics or music or a love of people. To indulge in these things is to become intimate with the One who made you this way. I am exercising without the consequence of being bedridden for days after. This is new, and I am moving so slowly, but I am moving without physical pain! The Physical Pain of the last few years is mostly gone, by the end of the week I am pretty tired because I am not not sleeping and I'm exercising, and cleaning my house more, and farming more...but it is a normal, healthy feeling of exhaustion rather than the burning, heavy depleted feeling of inflammation.
My mind is clearer. I am able to make plans better, like weekly meal plans, and to think of the future without panic that I will not have the energy for whatever plans we want to make. I am also able to pour time and knowledge and love into my kids.
I asked God why it took so long to heal, why I had to suffer for so long, and he showed me the woman in the 2019 photo (and before). In the depths of all that awfulness, I had to hand over everything to Him, to the the Gentleman who knocks, and waits to be invited in. I had to have no more options to heal myself. I had to humbly accept my limits compared with God's infinite wisdom. If the healing had been easier, I would have given myself all the credit. Pride had to fall. And once it did, and I handed it ALL over, He swept me up and brought me answers, and shone the light in my darkness. He also reminded me that when I was at my physical worst, I had such profound and exciting spiritual growth with God. He moulded my spirit to prepare for my body to heal. He revealed my prophetic gifting, and worship-leading anointing. I was placed to speak His words into peoples lives that affected them deeply. I learnt that metal is forged in the fire, and I was forged into a new person with a bit of steel, in the heat of pain, inflammation, exhaustion and mental anguish. And it was all replicating for me in the natural world too: how many of us found our metal in the last few years? Discovered our inner warrior, picked up our swords on behalf of our families and country, did not surrender our sovereignty to insanity? Would I have stood firm if I had not already been on this journey of understanding that the world's idea of food and medicine for chronic health should be firmly rejected, and turned to God Food to heal my family?
I don't think so.
I think God lays a path before us, sometimes one stepping stone at a time, our heads down and looking at the path, until it is time to look up and see how far we have come and appreciate the need for the journey, if not the journey itself. In the end, my answer did not come from all the knowledge about healing that I had gathered. It came from a revelation from God, something I could not have known. I am humbled, and grateful, and will daily hand it all over for the rest of my life.
So that is where I am. Still a ways to go, but definitely on my way now! I'll end with this amazing quote from Dr Natasha Campbell-McBride:
"As visitors to this planet, we must obey the rules of nature. These rules are infinitely wise and are designed to create harmony and balance for all life forms living in this space. It is important to understand that the human body is a tool, not to be served, but to be useful, and given to us to be COMPATIBLE with this world, to be able to live here, to function and to create...Human beings are very special: we are creators, we come here to co-create with the Universal Power that everything is made of and everything is animated by."
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